Borderline Personality Disorder Inside Out

BPD Recovery and Lost Relationships

Does recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder mean recovering lost relationships, friendships, or even family connections? In my experience the answer is often - no. It is important to grieve, let go and move on and to learn from past failed interpersonal dynamics so that they are not repeated in the future. What was then, was then. This is now. There are new people to meet, new relationships to forge and a recovered borderline has him/herself to fall back on in the meantime. Trying to turn back time can mean risking your recovery. It can mean falling back into old unhealthy patterns of relating. This, along with the reality of too much damage often done when one has BPD, means that moving forward is not only best for those you have hurt in the past, but it is also best for you as you continue to build your new life in recovery from BPD.

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The View's Joy Behar Stigmatized Borderline Personality Disorder

The View Co-host Joy Behar stigmatized Borderline Personality Disorder on their Wednesday October 21, 2009 show in an interview with Glenn Close and her sister who were guests to talk about the importance of combating the stigma against mental illness, namely Bioplar Disorder, which Close's sister has. Joy Behar, for some reason, who knows why, first had to further stigmatize BPD with inaccurate, uneducated information.

Whoopi Goldberg is always saying, during The View's Hot Topics, that accuracy and the facts are important. What about statements the co-hosts make during interviews?

Joy Behar said of Borderline Personality Disorder that, "... it's highly untreatable" She also commented that, like Glenn Close's character in the movie Fatal Attraction, if a man knows the woman he is with is "borderline" he should know to stay away.

Behar equated all with BPD as being like the character that Close portrayed in the Fatal Attraction movie. What? What could possibly be more hurtful or stereotypical or stigmatizing than that highly inaccurate stereotypical and damaging pop-culture comparison?

I'm a fan of The View and of Joy Behar. But yesterday I was very disappointed with her. I think sometimes she tries too hard to be funny. This was not funny at all. Though I don't really think her ignorant comments about BPD were any attempt at a joke. They seemed much more serious. Behar needs to hear about this. It is my hope enough people will contact The View and/or post on their message boards so that someone at The View will take notice and either have Behar apologize and/or have someone on to talk about Borderline Personality Disorder and the reality that it is treatable and that it, is in fact, the most stigmatized mental illness of them all. BPD didn't not need help from Behar with regard to the stigma it has always been surrounded with. Stigma that many work hard to fight against. Stigma that Joy Behar, in 10 unthinking, inaccurate seconds, forwarded in a huge way, unfortunately.

I tried to call ABC to make this point but they do not even take calls from their audience. I emailed a couple of times hoping someone would read it and realize they need to re-address this and Joy Behar should apologize for her ill-informed and stigmatizing comments. I hope they have heard from or will hear from many others as well.

© A.J. Mahari, October 22, 2009

Invalidation in Borderline Personality Disorder

Much is being learned about various biological or neuro-biological implications for those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Whatever one believes about recent scientific exploration, the jury is still out in terms of proven and agreed upon conclusions. Invalidation in one's environment, growing up, as a child remains a strong common denominator in the reported experience of most, if not all, who have Borderline Personality Disorder. Invalidation in Borderline Personality Disorder remains a central ingredient in so much of the relational difficulty for those with BPD and their loved ones.

Having feelings, thoughts, and/or perceptions invalidated can leave one feeling abandoned emotionally. It can also leave one feeling the effects of on-going shame as well.

Feelings of abandonment and shame are central to Borderline Personality Disorder. Whether or not others actually invalidated you, abandoned you, or shamed you, or not, it is important that those with BPD learn how to validate what they feel. Perceived abandonment and shame are still very real for the person perceiving them as part of his or her experience.

Invalidation is an isolating experience. It is an experience that exascerbates feeling separate not only from others but the dissociation and separation inside, from one's authentic self as well. Feeling invalidated is often the result of being triggered.

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Borderline Personality Disorder and Rage

Borderline Personality Disorder has at its centre tremendous pain that is protected against through many defense mechanisms that manifest themselves through anger and rage. Author, speaker, and life coach, A.J. Mahari, talks about the main reasons for the anger and rage in and of BPD.

People diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and their loved ones will benefit from learning more about the anatomy of anger and rage in BPD and how to cope more effectively with it. From her own experience when she had BPD, A.J. knows that what fuels the anger and the rage in and of Borderline Personality Disorder are the emotionally dsyregulated storms. Storms of triggered emotions that arise out of the absence of a known self and out of the absence of any stable identity. In both her ebook and audio program (which do not contain the same content) Mahari also explains what is important to understand to effectively cope with anger and rage at the heart of BPD.

 

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND RAGE EBOOK © A.J. Mahari 2007

                         THE EMOTIONAL STORMS IN THE ABSENCE OF A SELF

This ebook features 115 pages of insightful must read information, about Borderline Personality Disorder and Rage and includes a chapter that deals with rage turned inwardly which is often the core of self harm.

This ebook consists of seven chapters of detailed examination, understanding, and explanation of Borderline Rage from the insightful perspective of one who has been there. A.J. provides a roadmap of hope and practical steps to help the borderline stop the rage and/or stop the self harm and heal the wounds, and transform his/her life.

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RAGE ADDICTION IN BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER - AUDIO PROGRAM © A.J. Mahari 2008

 

Rage is an addiction in BPD. It is manifested outwardly in yelling, screaming, name-calling verbal abuse, throwing things, breaking things, even physically abusing others. It is also manifested inwardly by many with BPD who self-harm. Rage is at the heart of cutting, and other forms of self-harm. Even the so-called "quiet borderline" may well be rage addicted. Quiet borderlines often emotionally abuse themselves in brutal and damaging ways and this too is a manifestation of rage.

 

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© Phoenix Rising Publications & Touchstone Life Coaching , June 21, 2009 - All rights reserved.

Splitting, Devaluation, Projection, and Lack of Trust in Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder is manifested largely through the defense mechanism of splitting. Splitting is vacillating between the extremes of idealization and devaluation. What results from the negative half of splitting, from devaluation, is projection and lack of trust. A.J. Mahari, author, speaker, mental health and life coach, in a video, talks about how the negative thinking experienced in the devaluing half of borderline splitting obliterates idealization and produces a marked shift in the mood and behaviour of the borderline. 

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• The Abandoned Pain of BPD Ebook
• The Legacy of Abandonment in BPD Ebook
• The Shadows and Echoes of Self - False Self In BPD Ebook
• BPD and Rage Ebook
• Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder The Lost Self The Impact of The Core Wound of Abandonment
• The Shame of Abandonment in BPD
• From False Self To Authentic Self In BPD - Getting In Touch With Your Inner Child
• BPD and Abandonment
• Finding Hope From the Polarized Reality of BPD
• Preparing For Recovery From BPD
• Emotion Dysregulation in BPD

Ebooks and Audio Programs © A.J. Mahari

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People with Borderline Personality Disorder experience victimization that they think is coming from others that is really projected out on to others from what is the borderline lack of self. It is from this devaluation and projection that people with BPD experience what they perceive to be abandonment and betrayal that warrants or supports what is their own lack of trust to begin with.

Lacking a stable sense of identity or known sense of self people with Borderline Personality Disorder also lack trust. It isn't possible to have trust or extend trust to others that one does not even have for one's "self".

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• Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES or 3 Non Borderline Ebooks packaged together with audio.
• Non Borderlines - You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged togetherwithout audio or 6 ebooks bundled together with 2 audio programs 6 ebooks packaged together with 2 audio programs
• Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooksor Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks with From False Self To Authentic Self In BPD - The Inner Chid Audio Program

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The borderline's experience of vacillating between extremes of idealization and devaluation only serves to highlight their abandonment fears, distrust, and their negative experience of others and of self through others.

Those with BPD then experience the very negative devaluation projected out in the form of blame and judgment as being done to them, as coming at them from the person or people that they projected onto in the first place.

This sets up a cycle of perceived victimization that mirrors unresolved victimization from the borderline's past. It is a recipe for triggering the distress of dysregulated emotions in a high percentage of the efforts of those with BPD to relate to others.

 

LIFE COACHING With A.J. Mahari

• 30 Minute Life Coaching Session
• 50 Minute Life Coaching Session
  
• More Life Coaching Options

The truth is that what the person with BPD and the loved one on each side of that person with BPD believe just happened is what just happened for them. The person with BPD isn't aware that they are projecting onto the other person and that it isn't the other person treating them unfairly or wronging them. They are dissociated from their own projections. And the loved one of the person with BPD
knows what they did or didn't do or say.

The reality that people with BPD project out triggered dysregulated emotions onto others, attribute their own feelings, thoughts, devaluation and judgment to "other" and then feel "other" is victimizing them originates with the borderline's inability to hold their own distressing feelings. This cycle of projection also has its roots in the borderline's repetition compulsions wherein the other person is often lost in the "here and now". To the person with BPD "now" fades into a time from the past and the person on whom he or she is projecting is no longer visible or seen for who he or she is but rather becomes a person from the borderline's past with whom there was significant trauma, abandonment, and/or relational rupture with.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder cannot trust others because they do not have a known sense of self of stable identity from which to trust themselves. The less a person with BPD is able to trust him or herself to cope with distress and dysregulated emotion that they do not have the skills to soothe, the more he or she will project onto those around them these intolerable feelings.

© A.J. Mahari, June 19, 2009 - All rights reserved.

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A.J. Mahari is a Life Coachwho, among other things, specializes in working with those with BPD and non borderlines. A.J. has 6 years experience as a Life Coach and has coached hundreds of clients from all over the world.

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Borderline Personality Disorder - Fault vs Responsibility

Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious and complicated mental illness. It does not have to be a life sentence however. People with BPD will benefit from learning to take in the paradox of fault versus responsibility. Author, speaker, BPD Coach, Mental Health , and Life Coach, A.J. Mahari, talking to a BPD Group explains the reality of fault versus responsibility in Borderline Personality Disorder and its connection to BPD Recovery.

Fault vs Responsibility in Borderline Personality Disorder

LIFE COACHING With A.J. Mahari

• 30 Minute Life Coaching Session
• 50 Minute Life Coaching Session
  
• More Life Coaching Options

Understanding that having Borderline Personality Disorder is not your fault but that is your responsibility now is a point of awareness that when radically accepted in a mindful way can mean the difference between remaining in a negative, fearful, angry place or finding your way to a willingness that supports creating an attitude of gratitude that will open you up to the process of what recovery from BPD really entails.

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• 3 Non Borderline Ebooks
• 6 Non Borderline Ebooks
• 3 Core Wound of Abandonment in BPD Series of Ebooks
• Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder The Lost Self The Impact of The Core Wound of Abandonment Ebook 1
• Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder The Rock and a Hard Place in BPD The Impact of The Core Wound of Abandonment Ebook 2

Ebooks © A.J. Mahari

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© A.J. Mahari, June 7, 2009 - All rights reserved.

Borderline Personality Disorder - Understanding versus Being Understood

Borderline Personality Disorder and the borderline and non borderline quest to understand more about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) along with both sides needing to be understood. Borderlines and non borderlines, emotionally and relationally, live in parallel universes. Trying to achieve a collective and lasting connected understanding is, more often than not, very challenging at best.

Those who have BPD often believe they are very misunderstood. Loved ones, family members, ex or relationship partners of those with BPD continue to search for as much understanding about BPD as they can but how much, if at all, are they understood by the person with BPD in their lives?

For those with Borderline Personality Disorder and their loved ones - non borderlines - understanding BPD and each needing to be understood by the other is central to the many misunderstandings that generate painful emotional chaos. Both the "borderline" and the "non borderline" need not only to understand BPD but also to be understood by each other in ways that can build up healthier relating instead of tearing down connection and communication needed to have and maintain reasonably healthy relationships.

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       LIFE COACHING With A.J. Mahari

• 30 Minute Life Coaching Session
• 50 Minute Life Coaching Session
  
• More Life Coaching Options
  

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Ebooks © A.J. Mahari

• The Abandoned Pain of BPD Ebook
• The Legacy of Abandonment in BPD Ebook
• The Shadows and Echoes of Self - False Self In BPD Ebook
• BPD and Rage Ebook
• Loneliness Ebook
• Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks only or A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks packaged together with From False Self To Authentic Self In BPD - The Inner Child Audio Program
• Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder The Lost Self The Impact of The Core Wound of Abandonment
• Understanding BPD - The Rock and a Hard Place - The on-going Impact of The Core Wound of Abandonment in BPD
• The Other Side of BPD - Mindfulness and Radical Acceptance for Non Borderlines
• Non Borderline Dilemma - Can Borderlines Love? Do they feel love?
• Full Circle - Lessons for Non Borderlines
• Non Borderlines - You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together with or without audio.
• Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES packaged together with or without audio.

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It is important for those with BPD to understand that they do not have the same frame of reference emotionally, in the here-and-now, when triggered or stressed or upset as non borderlines do. It can be very difficult for those with BPD to be given feedback about their behaviour and to understand what the experience of them is to other people. Just as non borderlines cannot really understand what is going on inside the mind of someone with BPD.

 

© A.J. Mahari, June 7, 2009 - All rights reserved.

Borderline Personality Disorder Recovery and Stigma - Video Lecture by A.J. Mahari

Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder is possible. BPD is treatable. Yet stigma remains a major obstacle to this recovery for many in different parts of the world. Stigma is still prevalent in 2009. Why?

Even with new studies, some would say, new understanding of many aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD remains stigmatized and awareness continues to be lacking. And this is despite the treatments that are now touted as being successful for many with BPD. Treatment, however, that many others with BPD are still struggling to be able to access.

Many more books written by professionals are forwarding compassion and support for the treatability of Borderline Personality Disorder. Why then you might wonder do I say it is still stigmatized? I say this because despite major progress in some areas, particularly the United States, there are still too many therapists who are telling clients that BPD is not treatable and that they can't get better. There are therapists who do not want to put the label of BPD on someone and what does that mean if not the reality of remaining stigma?

In a lecture given to a group of people with Borderline Personality Disorder, author, speaker, life coach and strategist, A.J. Mahari, talked about BPD Recovery and Stigma that persists, even today. This video (above) is  part one of an excerpt from A.J.'s lecture. The video below is part two of this excerpt. You can purchase the entire lecture at Phoenix Rising Publications

 

© Phoenix Rising Publications and Touchstone Coaching Services

Borderline Personality Disorder Recovery Centers on Choice

Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder has two main ingredients, gaining more insight about choices made and learning to make new choices, as well as learning how to take personal responsibility. For those with BPD, taking personal responsibility means facing their abandoned pain understanding that continuing to try to avoid that pain will only keep them stuck. This journey from one's abandoned pain and a victim mentality that doesn't "emotionally" understand choices made and new choices that need to be made, is the journey From False Self to Authentic Self.   

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• BPD and Abandonment
• Preparing For Recovery From BPD
• Rage Addiction in Borderline Personality Disorder
• Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder The Lost Self The Impact of The Core Wound of Abandonment
• The Other Side of BPD - Mindfulness and Radical Acceptance for Non Borderlines

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In an excerpt from a talk that she gave to an audience of loved ones of those with Borderline Personality Disorder, author, speaker, life coach and strategist, A.J. Mahari, within the framework of tough love discusses how choice and learning to take personal responsibility are the necessary cornerstones for recovery from BPD. If a loved one enables a borderline, a borderline will not be able to learn to become more aware about his or her choices or be able to learn how to take personal responsibility.

1 - 30 Minute Phone Life Coaching Session   1 - 50 Minute Phone Life Coaching Session

Watch A.J.'s entire talk available in her BPD Inside Out Video Podcast

© A.J. Mahari, February 24, 2009 & Video content © A.J. Mahari

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A.J. Mahari is a Life Coach who, among other things, specializes in working with those with BPD and non borderlines. A.J. has 5 years experience as a Life Coach and has worked with hundreds of clients from all over the world.

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Borderline Personality Disorder and Awareness

Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness is still something that needs to be raised. Awareness of Borderline Personality Disorder needs to be raised generally. Awareness in Borderline Personality Disorder still needs to be further addressed within the community of those who have BPD, treat those with BPD, or those who are loved ones, family members, or relationship partners - non borderlines of those with BPD.

Despite the fact that there is a new age new wave of perception in the approach to treating Borderline Personality Disorder on the part of many professionals in recent years, there are still many areas in the world where the newer and much more hopeful messages about treating BPD and about those being successfully treated and being able to get better, get well, and/or achieve full recovery. There are still many places in the world where the systemic stigma that has hounded those with BPD still is very much alive and well. I understand the stigma. I recovered from BPD 14 years ago now in what was still the dark ages of BPD in terms of the way that the system treated those of us with BPD. I had to battle through tons of systemic stigma in my own recovery.The good news, if you have BPD, and you live in a smaller town or city or even country where attitudes still forward this stigma - you can recover anyway. You just need to be more aware of how you can navigate this systemic stigma without taking it personally. Cocus more on what your goal to recover is and less on any negative experience you may have. I didn't let the negative experiences stop me. You don't have to either.

What can be done about this?

Well, no one person can change a mental health care system that is still steeped in systemic stigma. But what each person with BPD can do is insist now on being treated with more respect and shop around for a therapist that has caught the new wave of thinking and that is knowledgeable about BPD and how to treat it. Each person with BPD can refuse to stay engaged with the old-school professional that insists that you are not going to be able to get better and that really BPD isn't treatable.

I hear in email and as a life coach, I hear from clients, often, still, that they have been working with a therapist who doesn't believe that they can get better, get well, and/or recover. When this is the case I think it is important to become your own advocate. It is important to dare to have hope and to, appropriately insist that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

Recovery Is Possible

Recovery from BPD really is possible. BPD is highly treatable. What is needed in order to get on the road to recovery, if you have BPD, is seven main things:

• You believe that you can recover
• You find and hold onto the hope that you can recover
• You refuse to allow anyone to tell you otherwise
• Educate yourself as much as you can
• Find a therapist who supports you in believing you can get better
• Engage the process and commit to the work that recovery requires

Approach your journey of recovery in an aware way. Understand that no matter how tough things are right now, there is hope and if you are newer to the process you can even actively make a choice to take responsibility for preparing to recover

You can learn more about BPD Awareness and recovery - the need to learn to lay down the protection of the borderline false self by educating yourself more about it and by watching my BPD Video Podcast where I have two videos currently about BPD and awareness and one about learning versus protecting - videos that speak to the reality that BPD is treatable and that more people are able to recover than ever before.

You can also subscribe to my video podcast via itunes, like my BPD Audio Podcast and both are free to watch on my site and subscribe to on itunes. My video podcast and the audio podcast do not have the same content. From time to time I may address different aspects of the same issue but the content in each is not exactly the same.

© A.J. Mahari, February 17, 2009 - all rights reserved.